How To Stop Cutting

Are you seeing signs of self-harm in your teenage daughter? At Roots Renewal Ranch, we know how scary that can be. We also know it can be frustrating. You’ve spent her whole childhood teaching her about how to manage her emotions and building her up so she’d be ready for the pressure of middle/high school. But it seems like nothing you’ve said has made a difference because your smart and beautiful girl with limitless potential is resorting to self-destructive behaviors, like cutting herself.

Fortunately, like any other behavior, cutting can be replaced by healthier ways to cope. The same things that used to calm her down and give her hope as a little girl may have changed, so it might be time for some new coping strategies. Before you continue reading, we want to assure you that cutting doesn’t need to last forever. Let’s talk about some of the ways you can help her reroute her thinking and stop cutting.

Why Do Teens Resort To Cutting Themselves?

Teens usually only resort to cutting themselves when their feelings have gotten out of control to the point of causing constant emotional anguish. They cut themselves because they’d rather focus on physical pain than on the emotional turmoil they are in. Usually, when a teen has reached the stage of self-harm, her mental health is in serious trouble.

In the United States, up to 30% of teen girls participate in self-harm. Cutting is not a “phase” that will pass on its own. It’s a sign that something is very wrong, and it needs to be addressed immediately before it progresses.

When you see your teen experiencing this, it’s easy to misunderstand how dire the situation is. It’s kind of like when your teen comes home from school in tears from something that wouldn’t make you cry. You’re an adult – the way you respond to stressors or the way you feel about stressors is different than your teen.

Teen emotions can’t be compared to adult emotions for a number of reasons. For one, adults have learned how to manage big feelings in ways that work for them over time. For some adults, this means regularly exercising or spending time with friends. Teens don’t always recognize when their emotions are at “dangerous levels” because it’s all new to them. They often internalize traumatic events and unhealthy thinking.

Another reason teen emotions are often felt more powerfully than adult emotions is the way their brains are wired. Their prefrontal cortex, or the area of the brain that regulates our thoughts, actions, and emotions, isn’t fully developed in teens. In other words, emotional regulation is more difficult for this age group.

Lastly, very few adults are under the constant societal and academic pressures teens are under. Aside from the time she spends at home, school is her entire life. It’s the window into her friendships, conflicts, dreams, and future.

Healthy Ways to Help Your Teen Release Physical Tension/Emotional Distress

While it may be difficult for you to understand why your teen is resorting to cutting herself, it’s important to practice active listening and empathize with her. The main thing she needs is your support – always. If you “catch her in the act” of cutting herself, choose your words carefully. If she feels judged or afraid of punishment, she isn’t going to open up or confide in you the way she needs to.

Simply listening to your daughter can help, but if she’s gotten to the point where she’s physically hurting herself, she’ll likely need further intervention. Looking into teen mental health treatment should probably be your first step. But there are things you can teach her – things she can do at home – to help eliminate these episodes of cutting herself. Let’s talk about some of the most helpful coping strategies you can work on with her:

• Identify her triggers. Work with your daughter to discover what feelings or events make her want to cut herself. Ask her things like, “What were you thinking about right before you cut yourself last time?” or “What things make you feel hopeless or emotionally overwhelmed?” When you find out what feelings are causing this behavior, you can notice the events leading up to cutting. You can help her reroute her thinking in the future via the following coping strategies.
• Get her a phone book. Sounds crazy, right? What good can a phone book do? Your daughter is used to doing something physical when she’s angry, hurt, or emotionally overwhelmed. Next time she has the urge to cut herself, ask her to rip out the pages in the phone book instead. She can rip them out one at a time, or if she’s feeling particularly tense, have her rip out multiple pages at once.
• Talk, talk, talk – and not necessarily about how she feels. If your daughter is an extrovert, that means she gets her energy and dopamine from being around others. Encourage her to talk to her friends or a therapist, call a relative she hasn’t spoken to in a while, call a helpline, join a discussion group or a gaming channel she likes online, start a group chat, join the debate team – anything that gets her talking and interacting with other people. Is she an introvert? No problem. Let’s talk about other strategies she can use.
• Get her an “anxiety shredder”.  Anxiety shredders are a great way to acknowledge big feelings and let those feelings go. They’re inexpensive, easy to use, and can be incredibly helpful “in the moment” when your daughter is feeling overwhelmed by the number of emotions she’s experiencing. Simply purchase a handheld paper shredder (you can find them online for around $10), have her write down her intrusive thoughts, and shred them one by one. She can keep it by her bed, on her desk, or even in her locker at school. The point of this is to begin to replace cutting with other coping strategies that are safe and effective.
• Have her practice “active distraction”. Despite popular opinion, distracting yourself can be healthy, especially if it’s in place of self-destructive behaviors. The next time she feels like cutting, she should get up and do something else. It sounds simple, but it can work wonders. It can also train the pathways in her brain to move toward distraction (rather than cutting) the next time she feels overwhelmed. She can go to a movie, practice meditation, binge a show, do something creative like painting or playing an instrument, play a game on her phone, write out a to-do list for her week, bake something, do some gardening, go for a walk, and more.
• She can practice other methods of physical stimulation that aren’t as harmful as cutting. This can be a tough one for some parents to understand, but if she has gotten into the habit of cutting and she’s been doing it for a while, it may be borderline impossible for her to just “stop”. Her brain is used to the stimulation that pain provides, and for a while, she may need to put something else in its place.
  An example of this might be putting a rubber band around her wrist and snapping it when she feels distressed. Another example would be for her to bite into a hot pepper or wax her legs. This isn’t always a permanent strategy, but she can use it until she’s ready to move on to something else. Essentially, this is harm reduction. She isn’t putting herself in danger, but she’s still stimulating the part of her brain that’s craving pain in that moment.
• Help her regulate her nervous system. When your daughter has gotten to the point where she wants to hurt herself, every nerve in her body has tensed to the point where she needs a release. In other words, she needs to find healthy ways to calm her body down so she can make sense of her thoughts and practice other coping mechanisms. What relaxes her? Hot showers? Long walks? Candles? Playing with her animals? Have her practice these things multiple times a day, no matter what. Many teens don’t feel like they “deserve” to relax. They may also be unaware of how harmful it is to neglect self-care.
• Teen girls are still fairly “new to the world” – they haven’t had the time or the experiences needed to learn about everything that makes them happy.  If she can get her body to a point where it expects “calm”, she’ll be less likely to go from 0-100 in a stressful situation. Calming techniques can also be used in the heat of the moment and in place of cutting, especially once she understands what works for her.

How Roots Renewal Ranch Helps Teens Manage Self-Harm

Self-harm is a reason for concern. It means your daughter needs a little extra help regulating her emotions and getting back on track. It is not, however, permanent. As a parent, it is scary to watch your daughter experience this kind of anguish. But it’s treatable, and she’s strong enough to heal.

The kind of treatment that’s provided at Roots Renewal Ranch is curated for young girls who need to find strength, hope, and healing. We work with your daughter to find the best ways to build emotional strength and find peace. 

Through a comprehensive, whole-child (biological-psychological-social-spiritual) approach, provided in a safe, nurturing, and undistracted environment, the girls at Roots will journey through their life story, discover their core roots, create a loving sense of self, reconnect with family and community, build hope in a healthy and purposeful life, and develop a firm belief that they are enough.

At Roots Renewal Ranch, we use a comprehensive whole-child approach to implement a safe, nurturing, and distraction-free environment for emotional growth and healing. We want your daughter to journey through her story and discover a loving sense of self. Here, we build hope in a healthy and purposeful life while helping your daughter develop the whole-hearted belief that she is worthy of love and happiness. If you think your daughter could benefit from self-harm treatment, call us today at 888-399-0489 so we can help. 

FAQs About Teens Cutting Themselves

Are there things that teens can do to prevent them from cutting themselves?

Yes, teens can work to find other things that work for them when they’re feeling high levels of emotional anguish. They can practice distraction techniques like going for a walk or seeing a friend, calming techniques like meditation or taking a hot shower, and physical stimulation techniques such as snapping a rubber band on her wrist.

When should you seek medical help for self harming?
Ideally, medical help would be sought immediately following the discovery that your teen is hurting herself.

Are there symptoms to be on the lookout for teens cutting themselves?

If you’re concerned your teen is hurting herself, you can look for signs like broken bones, pulling hair out of her eyebrows, eyelashes, or head, burn marks, self-neglect (no showers, starving herself, anorexia or bulimia, etc.), excessive exercising, or kicking/punching walls. She may also wear long sleeves/long pants, even when it’s hot outside.